The Old Guys
by Jesse Armstrong and Sam Bain
Scene 13 (cont.)
Int. Tom and Roy’s flat. Eve. (Day 21)
Roy and Tom are standing opposite each other, legs apart, hands by sides. It is as if both men are
in a western shoot out. Roy’s hand twitches where his gun holster would be
Roy
We will use the weapon of my choice. (Beat, holds up coin) Fifty pence piece.
Tom
Do your worst.
(Beat) Heads
Roy flips the coin, both sets of eyes follow the movement of the tumbling piece of silver. The fifty
pence piece falls to the ground, Tom and Roy are still watching intently. The coin hits the floor before bouncing slightly
and then rolling on its side. Tom and Roy continue to watch the coin. The fifty pence piece rolls along the floor until reaching
the far wall and skirting board. The coin rebounds off of the skirting and neatly slides under the sofa.
Roy
(irritated at the whole ordeal) Oh for God’s sake
Tom goes over to the sofa and moves it in hope to reveal the stray coin, instead all we see a small
hole, plummeting through the floorboards. It is clear that the coin has fallen straight down the hole.
Tom
(Pathetic, irate) Shit. (Beat) Why don’t we let Katia decide. I mean, we both love her, so she
can choose which one of us she wants.
Roy
(really childish, sulking) I suppose.
Tom
(authoritative) Don’t give me an answer like that. You know that I’m right. It’s time to grow
up, Roy, so stop acting like a child and let’s sort this whole situation out.
Tom turns to leave the apartment when something catches his eye
Tom
(Beat, in utter awe) Oh my god (beat) my etch a sketch!
Roy rolls his
eyes and leaves the apartment in a huff.